Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of jimmy_sharpe's best tweets

@jimmy_sharpe : Taking vocabulary to a whole new thingy

@jimmy_sharpe: [lights focus on guy in interrogation room]

"Say it. SAY IT."

*points at sign saying "Worcestershire Sauce"*

@jimmy_sharpe: Jealous of how pineapples always have cool hair.

@jimmy_sharpe: I'm not lazy. I'm just stopping the sofa from floating away.

@jimmy_sharpe: I just know my cause of death will be trying to scoot my office chair around as fast as possible.

@jimmy_sharpe: Something just came up on my computer asking if I trusted it, and now we're running away to start a new life together.

@jimmy_sharpe: Sometimes you've got to ask yourself: 'Why am I talking to myself?'

@jimmy_sharpe: Ever accidentally say 'I love you' to important business customers on the phone? Me too. I MEAN ME NEITHER.