@joeldanger: Guys with ponytails are clearly vampires because there's no way you can actually see yourself in a mirror & still think that looks good.
@joeldanger: Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
@joeldanger: I'm not saying she has daddy issues but she only fills out credit cards for the instant approval.
@joeldanger: I enjoy visiting countries where I don't speak the language because it requires zero effort to tune out everyone around me.
@joeldanger: Oh hey, sorry I accidentally rolled out of your bed, across your floor, down the stairs, out the door, into my car and back in my own bed.
@joeldanger: If you know shes had a bad day just ask her how she is doing. Then when shes talking you can think of a good tweet that makes fun of her day
@joeldanger: My parents told me as a kid that R&B stood for ribbons and bows so when I heard Barry White in their bedroom I left them alone to do crafts.
@joeldanger: Sending an insult with a typo is like laughing at someone for tripping and falling and then tripping and falling right front of them.
@joeldanger: My grandparents worked hard to make sure their kids had everything and I'm working hard and not having kids to make sure I keep everything.