@johnbiehl: Me: this a rush song?
Bartender: yeah, you a fan?
Me: does this answer your questions? *lifts shirt to reveal giant tattoo that says "no"*
@johnbiehl: Alien: why should I not blow up this planet?
Human: we are an advanced species
A: how do you travel?
H: we light old dinosaurs on fire
@johnbiehl: *sees lost cat*
Hey buddy you lost
there's a phone number
*little cell phone in cats pocket starts ringing*
@johnbiehl: Reasons to keep spiders around
1. Eat flying insects
2. Occasional source of protein during sleep
3. We make rad webs
4. They do i mean they
@johnbiehl: Added my sticker to the family on the back of your van I am in your family now you have to bring me to costco every time you go.
@johnbiehl: (McDonald's bathroom)
*pulls away from kissing*
You're better than my mirror at home
@johnbiehl: Who him? Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter-
INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS.
@johnbiehl: Enrique Iglesias wants to
1. Be your hero
2. Kiss away your pain
3. Stand by you forever
Enrique Iglesias is your mother
@johnbiehl: Damn girl, if you was a fruit you'd be a fineapple, if you was a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital as often as I could.