Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of jonnysun's best tweets

@jonnysun : i am only capable of working on things in zero stress or extreme stress situations, in all other situations u can find me laying down and patiently waiting until extreme stress kicks in

@jonnysun: instead of using the same password everywhere, i use multiple different variations of the same password where i change one letter or add one number and so on. this is super secure and protects all my accounts from ever being able to get logged into by me

@jonnysun: normal brain: “you’re now unsubscribed from our mailing list”

big brain: “please tell us why you’ve unsubscribed”

exploding brain: “type in the email address you’d like us to remove from our list”

galaxy brain: “please log in and visit your account settings to select which lis

@jonnysun: idea for a black mirror episode: a technology called IceBox™ is invented to store food past its natural lifespan by keeping it cold. a man uses the technology to keep some fruit fresh overnight so he can have them for breakfast in the morning, but his roommate, a poet, eats them

@jonnysun: *jesus givs u bread*
this is my body
*jesus givs u wine*
this is my blood
*jesus puts ur hand in soggy noodles*
and these r my BRAAAINS ooOO

@jonnysun: last christmas
i saved me some plums
the very next day
you ate them anyway

next year
to save me from tears
i'll eat all my plums for dinner

@jonnysun: *jesus picks up bread*
this is my body
*jesus picks up wine*
this is my blood
*jesus picks up guitar*
this is the STORY OF A GIRL

@jonnysun: i sent all my sims to universitey & they all became computer scientists & proved they were living in a simulation so i unpluged my computor

@jonnysun: ad for jk rowling's fantastic beasts and where to find them:

wat if harry poter was pokemon

@jonnysun: *puts tiny glases on my pet owl*
*puts tiny lab coat on my pet owl*
*puts tiny stethoscope on my pet owl*
ha ha doctor who