@julietactually: [taking the witness stand]
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but—"
*leaning into the mic* I choose dare
@julietactually: Saw this lady taking pics of stuff and I was like your camera is facing the wrong way, psycho
@julietactually: him: [slipping my panties off] why are u wearing 2 pairs of panties
me: I'm not
him: [sliding another pair off] omg how many are u wearing