Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of junejuly12's best tweets

@junejuly12 : He said he wants to be my Sugar Daddy, and I thought awesome, I love cookies.

@junejuly12: I used a maternity leave to grow out my bangs.

And that is why she will always be my favourite child.

@junejuly12: Troubleshooting steps when your car won't start in the morning:

1. Call in sick
2. Go back to bed

@junejuly12: Top 5 forms of torture

5. Sleep deprivation
4. Dentist drills
3. Solitary confinement
2. Water boarding
1. Cilantro

@junejuly12: “Settle in, get comfy, hope your phone is fully charged and you have snacks”

Translated from “be with you shortly”

@junejuly12: Sorry I'm late but my goldfish needed a bath.

@junejuly12: Little known Chinese proverb - He who walks barefoot in a dog's backyard will be sorry

@junejuly12: When she says she needs more intimacy; she means your feelings, not your colonoscopy report.

@junejuly12: Maybe the caveman who discovered fire was wearing corduroys and running late for a meeting.

@junejuly12: What kind of monster sits in a rocking chair and doesn't rock