Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of junejuly12's best tweets

@junejuly12 : After spicing things up in the bedroom, don't rub your eyes for at least 30 minutes.

@junejuly12: Her: I'm having a dry party.

Me: Sorry, I'm busy.

Her: You don't even know when.

Me: You don't even know me.

@junejuly12: Nothing like suddenly seeing a spider on the ceiling to make you realize you don't need a nap anyway.

@junejuly12: Burning bridges was a lot easier when 7 out of 10 people had lighters in their pockets.

@junejuly12: *puts ex in Memory Lane*

*revs car engine*

@junejuly12: Can't wait to watch the complex manoeuvres that will follow taking the first bite of a corn dog in the middle.

@junejuly12: *plans eclipse viewing party*
*buys special glasses*
*gets plenty of snacks and drinks*

*wakes up to pouring rain*
*goes back to sleep*

@junejuly12: It's not cheating. Or money issues. Leaving drawers and cabinets open is the true test of a marriage.

@junejuly12: I wonder if this guy ahead of me in line would mind if I pulled his jeans up for him.

@junejuly12: People who love to clean are just practicing to eliminate the evidence