Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of junejuly12's best tweets

@junejuly12 : I have a devil tattooed on each shoulder cause I hate arguments.

@junejuly12: *walks into a dollar store*

excuse me, where would I find the dollars?

@junejuly12: Big shout-out to the guy in Costco buying a lifetime supply of what he thinks are the right size diapers.

@junejuly12: I hope that boomerang I threw in 2009 is happy out there somewhere, maybe in a relationship with little boomerangs that don’t listen either.

@junejuly12: Well maybe don’t invite me over if I can’t rearrange your furniture.

@junejuly12: My teen said my new shoes are dank, so now I need to google what that means and decide if I’m happy or mad.

@junejuly12: [last night]
*does dozens of squats to impress a cute guy at the gym*

[this morning]
*takes half an hour to get down a flight of stairs*

@junejuly12: He didn’t know that balancing your knife on the edge of the sink means you may make a second sandwich, so now we have some serious talking to do.

@junejuly12: 20s: he is smart, funny, and hot, he’s my soulmate.

30s: he loves kids and dogs, he’s my soulmate.

40s: we have the same third favourite colour, he’s my soulmate.

@junejuly12: He said it’s canoodle night later, and I thought great, I love lasagna.