@junejuly12: *rushes in*
"Sorry I didn't see the email"
[Teaching office new girl how to be late for meetings]
@junejuly12: Desks that can easily support a few hundred lbs must have some naughty stories to tell the other desks at break time.
@junejuly12: Toasters must work on some exponential scale. Two minutes barely toasted. Ten more seconds burned beyond recognition.
@junejuly12: Him: Why do you always need the last word?
Me: I don't.
Me: I don't really.
Me: I don't! And that's final.
@junejuly12: With sufficient velocity, any object can be an effective weapon. Unfortunately this kitten is not cooperating.
@junejuly12: [road trip]
My dad: Seatbelts? What seatbelts? Kids don't need seatbelts.
My dad: Concussion? What concussion?
@junejuly12: Tall, fit, great hair, dazzling smile, good with kids, excellent swordsman, right-handed.
~ Captain Hook's Tinder profile ~
@junejuly12: If my boss knew I rated him "needs improvement" in last night's sex dream, he probably wouldn't have been so nice to me today.
@junejuly12: Seeing a woman drinking, smoking, and gambling while in her wedding dress makes me realize I need to up my multi-tasking game.