Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of kcmoore51's best tweets

@kcmoore51 : If we get pulled over this beer is yours. - Dads

@kcmoore51: Me: How was the party last night?

17: It was fun. The cops came.

Me: What???

17: Nah, it's cool. We got away.

Me: That's my girl.

@kcmoore51: *opens new donut shop called "The Gym"*

You're welcome.

@kcmoore51: Me: I made you a playlist...

Her: OMG! THAT'S SO ROMANTIC!

Me: It only has songs about food.

@kcmoore51: Don't like me? You'll come around.

- Onion Rings

@kcmoore51: Just heard a lady in Target scream "WE DON'T BUY THINGS JUST TO BUY THINGS" at her kids and now I kinda wish she'd have a talk with me also.

@kcmoore51: Oh you're in the shower? Here's the seven worst songs from your playlist.

- shuffle mode

@kcmoore51: [sanitation worker knocks at my door]

The amount of McDonald's related trash we're collecting from your home each week has us concerned.

@kcmoore51: I love getting kisses from my dogs but, I'm starting to worry about the one who keeps trying to give me the slow tongue.

@kcmoore51: *puts arm around you*

You've been burned before but, you're safe with me. Let your gaurd down, girl.

*steals your pizza*