@kwirkyKerri: I'm just going to cut out the middle man and start cashing my paychecks at the liquor store.
@kwirkyKerri: Shout out to girls that have a relationship with prisoners. At least they always know where their man is at.
@kwirkyKerri: I don't wish anybody dead, but a well placed nasty rash on you would kind of make my day.
@kwirkyKerri: Of course I'm not leaving. I'm just going to step outside for a minute. (Runs to car)
@kwirkyKerri: Facebook tells me those vans are dangerous, but Twitter says they have candy. So conflicted.
@kwirkyKerri: That awkward moment when you can't decide if it's just a bad pic or you really look like that.
@kwirkyKerri: Most women have a love hate relationship with their scale, but I'm convinced mine goes out of her way to piss me off.
@kwirkyKerri: You said you wanted a video of me eating a banana. Nothing about me not slicing it.
@kwirkyKerri: I'll agree to almost anything if you set a cupcake in front of me. I won't be listening. Because...cupcake.