Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of lecalabara's best tweets

@lecalabara : "I feel your pane"- Guy walking into your window.

@lecalabara: "The 59th rule of Fight Club is, we cant park in the lot on Vermont anymore - The owner is being a jerk. Just find street parking. 60th..."

@lecalabara: This dude forgot to put tomatoes on my sandwich. Thanks, "artist". Now I have nothing to pick off.

@lecalabara: A tanning bed is a panini grill for people.

@lecalabara: Every chair is a reclining chair when you're drunk.

@lecalabara: Why does a billionaire need a Bat signal? He is in a cave. How does he even see the signal? Why won't you just text him?

@lecalabara: You catch more flies with honey, even more with a dead body and way more with honey on a dead body.

@lecalabara: "The entire sky is mine to explore!Nah, Ill just swoop dangerously through traffic instead."- Birds

@lecalabara: Uhh, hells yeah Id like to participate in your brief survey.

@lecalabara: Thanks Autocorrect, I did want to bang her braids out.