Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of leshnevsky's best tweets

@leshnevsky : If the chameleons did their work better, we would not know about the existence of chameleons.

@leshnevsky: - Dad, why don't we visit Greece to see pyramids?
- Son, why don't we visit school to see your geography teacher?

@leshnevsky: Scars make a man handsome? Bathe your cat every day and you'll become the sexiest man in the city very soon!

@leshnevsky: Me: - Sweetie, why is the bottle of whiskey half empty?
Wife: - Because you're a pessimist, honey!

@leshnevsky: - Judy, you have such a great taste!
- Steve, stop biting me!

@leshnevsky: Any phrase can be banalized,by adding "if you know what I mean" at the end.
EG: This morning my wife made me a ??tea,if you know what I mean

@leshnevsky: Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away.

@leshnevsky: If I stabbed someone with icicle, no one would find the murder weapon, because it melts. This thought is haunting me.

@leshnevsky: 40 years later:
- Grandpa, sing me a song of your youth.
- Oppa Gangnam Style. Opp, opp, opp, opp!

@leshnevsky: Today's 3-year-olds can unlock the smartphone and launch favorite app or music player.
What did I do in my 3-year-old? I ate sand.