@lisaxy424: I'm at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.
@lisaxy424: [a person with cold hands]
DONT YOU DARE TOUCH ME WITH THOSE
[a dog with cold paws]
POOR BABY COME HERE I WILL GIVE YOU ALL MY BODY HEAT
@lisaxy424: Going to sleep: It's so cold in here, I'm totally wearing these socks to bed
Middle of the night: GET THESE DEVIL FOOT GLOVES OFF ME
@lisaxy424: Me: I'd kill for a body like that
Them: well by monitoring your calorie intake and daily exercise you c-
Me: yeah I'd rather kill
@lisaxy424: No one has done the dishes for like a week so I finally did the responsible thing and bought some paper plates.
@lisaxy424: Always answer a math question in a silly voice because if you're wrong they'll think you're joking and if you're right they'll feel dumb.
@lisaxy424: It doesn't matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.
@lisaxy424: Hot chick without makeup: her beauty is so effortless & carefree
Me without makeup: why is that very sick grandma not in a home