Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of lisaxy424's best tweets

@lisaxy424 : me: let’s go to bed earlier like responsible adults brain: great idea [10pm] me: so do we just like lay here or what brain: i have no idea

@lisaxy424: today was my first day back after the holidays and my body is like excuse me why aren’t we eating 9 meals a day anymore

@lisaxy424: Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend obviously never had a burrito.

@lisaxy424: Whenever I'm feeling fat, I try not to stress about it and just keep my chins up.

@lisaxy424: I feel like my relationship with the Walking Dead started so great and we had some good times but now we’re only staying together for the kids.

@lisaxy424: boss: WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING?
me: HAHAHA

[later]

cw: WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING?
me: literally never talk to me gary

@lisaxy424: Passed a gym sign that said “Have those new yoga pants been to yoga yet?” and I feel personally attacked.

@lisaxy424: me: I ONLY GOT 3 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT AND I FEEL GREAT MY BODY HAS FINALLY LEARNED TO EFFECTIVELY AND EFFICIENTLY USE ENERGY

me, 4 minutes later: o god i am dying

@lisaxy424: Female fishermen should be called Broadcasters.

@lisaxy424: I just said “haha omg I love your ugly sweater!” to my CW knowing full well it’s just one of her normal sweaters.