@lisaxy424: my dog when its nice out: *jumps in pond, rolls in dirt, eats goose poo*
when raining: MADAM how DARE u take me into these AWFUL conditions
@lisaxy424: Welcome to “I HEARD THE CAT PUKE BUT DON’T KNOW WHERE” the game where your eyes try to find it before your feet do.
@lisaxy424: Kid: if you could turn invisible, what’s the first thing you would do?
Me: take a nap
@lisaxy424: hot girl doing pouty lips: wow she is so sexy
me doing pouty lips: are...are you going to puke, you have to tell me if you're going to puke
@lisaxy424: Hot chick in glasses: *giggle* look at me I'm a nerd!
Me in glasses: *giggle* look at me I have an astigmatism!
@lisaxy424: Me: i've lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks
Friend: Wow! What's your secret?
Me: be fat first
@lisaxy424: 20s: I do yoga so I can be better in bed
30s: I do yoga so I can get out of bed
@lisaxy424: First minute of hiccups: teehee listen to me i'm so cute
10th minute of hiccups: I YEARN FOR THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH