Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of livlivme_do's best tweets

@livlivme_do : “Saw your boyfriend out last night.” Oh yeah? Where was he? “You know that Starbucks across the street from his ex-girlfriend’s?” Yeah. “He was across the street from that.”

@livlivme_do: me (buying wine): do you need to see my ID?

cashier: no, you're old enough, I can tell

me: okay, I don’t even want it anymore

@livlivme_do: If Rod Stewart ever cleared his throat, his career would be over.

@livlivme_do: The lord giveth, and the lord slappeth that shit right out of your hands.

@livlivme_do: Just finished writing a book for new parents called “You Just Made a Big Mistake.”