Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of llvvzz's best tweets

@llvvzz : Literally nothing has had less of an impact towards changing my life than that inspirational quote you posted on social media.

@llvvzz: Your psychiatrist's opinion about your social media habits don't count if he has less followers than you.

@llvvzz: I wish I would have listened to my grandma when she told me one day I'd regret not focusing harder on my hitman career.

@llvvzz: If your problem can be solved by:

Naps
Cake
Drugs
Alcohol
or Murder

Then you don't really have a problem.

@llvvzz: Top three perverts that see you when you're sleeping:
1. Santa.
2. God.
3. NSA.

@llvvzz: Google+ is starting to sound like a half-way house for people that aren't phony enough for Facebook but aren't edgy enough for Twitter.

@llvvzz: What woman say right before they kill you:

Wow.
Fine.
Whatever.
No problem.
I'm not mad.
Nothing's wrong.
Sure, stay friends with your ex.

@llvvzz: You're psychiatrist's opinion about your social media habits don't count if he has less followers than you.

@llvvzz: I'm no longer interested in self-discovery; I'm more interested in self-medication.

@llvvzz: Twitter: "Where people are openly Gay and secretly Republican"