Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of lovemydogduck's best tweets

@lovemydogduck : I have an eating disorder. I'm about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets.

@lovemydogduck: I wonder how many calories you burn locking yourself out and having to climb in through a second story window.??

@lovemydogduck: Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car.

@lovemydogduck: During the day I don't believe in ghosts, But at night I'm a little bit more open minded

@lovemydogduck: I could never succeed at chemistry. I Guess that's why it's called chemist "try"

@lovemydogduck: I really hate working late. My ride turns into a pumpkin and I always end up losing a shoe.

@lovemydogduck: Last year my ex and I dressed as opposing political parties for Halloween... best hate sex we ever had.

@lovemydogduck: My car lease is up and I have to return it back to the dealer today, so I'm practicing jumping out of a moving car.

@lovemydogduck: My best friend just ask me to be her maid of honor. What did I ever do to her???

@lovemydogduck: Dear Santa,

My ex was very naughty this year. But I was very good. So you can just send me all his presents.