Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of lovemydogduck's best tweets

@lovemydogduck : I tried to make a batch of rum balls. But now they're just balls and i'm drunk.

@lovemydogduck: Valentine's day is just about a month away so if you're in love with me, now would be the time to speak up.

@lovemydogduck: Remember, smoking doesn't kill people. People who are trying to quit smoking kill people.

@lovemydogduck: How come when our phones fall, we panic, but when our friends fall, we laugh.

@lovemydogduck: Doctor: Im sorry but your condition has become quite acute...
Me: I think your pretty acute yourself *winks*
Doctor: ...
Me: *dies*

@lovemydogduck: If I was Juliet I would of said something more like this: Romeo , Romeo! Wherefore art my pizza, Romeo!?

@lovemydogduck: Didn't have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 15 books and showered.

@lovemydogduck: Attention!! To Whomever has my voodoo doll... I could really use a back rub.

@lovemydogduck: I have an eating disorder. I'm about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets.