Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of malt_skull's best tweets

@malt_skull : I howl at the moon for fun and absolutely shit myself as the moon howls back, inciting several other moons in the solar system to also howl at me

@malt_skull: *puts on ice skates*
so.. what am I supposed to do with these again?
*walks over a pizza to slice it*
there has to be a better way

@malt_skull: Mermaid: I lay the eggs
Merman: and I fertilize them
Meredith: I'm Edith, I like to watch

@malt_skull: [phonecall w criminal]
FBI Agent: keep him on the line for 2 more minutes
me: ok.. *twirling phone cord* no you hang up. haha no you hang up

@malt_skull: [Spider-Man shows up at my house]
*I carefully scoop him up on a piece of paper and release him outside my door*