Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of marebytes's best tweets

@marebytes : Facebook tells me today is "National Winnie the Pooh Day" ... I hope they're ok with me just wearing a red t-shirt & no pants to the office

@marebytes: Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won't be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that's what's been missing.

@marebytes: I'd have more respect for the weather man if he just got on camera & said "I have no idea, your guess is as good as mine -go outside & look"

@marebytes: In my opinion - until they add extra fries, a martini & a joint - they have no business calling it a Happy Meal

@marebytes: Hey people who design vacuums- Why the headlight?
Are people vacuuming in the dark? or riding them on the freeway & I just havent seen?

@marebytes: Brutally honest? I'm always honest ... I guess the brutality would depend on your level of aversion to the truth

@marebytes: I have a fantasy that a big strong man shows up at my door, comes in unannounced & slowly, quietly & methodically renovates my bathroom

@marebytes: Just shared w/ my son the amazing story of a boy who wanted to go to his friend's house & didn't get to go & yet everybody lived in the end.