Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of markydoodoo's best tweets

@markydoodoo : TEENAGE JAMES BOND: its actually just a learners permit to kill. I can kill, but only with an adult over 25 and not after 10pm

@markydoodoo: [yelling to bartender in crowded nightclub] WHAT KIND OF CAPRI SUN FLAVORS DO YOU HAVE?

@markydoodoo: imagine being 93 years old and then you’re bit by a vampire and you’re stuck being a 93 year old forever

@markydoodoo: AVOCADO: Hello I'm good fat

BACON: *lights cigarette* *punches avocado*

@markydoodoo: A dog walks into a bar. Then a bank. Then the dry cleaners. This is a dog world. Way to be productive, dog. Try to do the bar last next time

@markydoodoo: [Yelp review for Mario Bros Plumbing]

Ate my mushrooms, killed ALL my turtles, stole my coin collection. 1 star.

-Bowser K.

@markydoodoo: I like it when squirrels pop their dumb heads up in the middle of the street like "did I lock the tree?"

@markydoodoo: [holding a baby]

me: uh so how long have you been a baby?

@markydoodoo: Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.