Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of markydoodoo's best tweets

@markydoodoo : I'm 34 years old and I still don't know what to do when the barber shows me the back of my head with that little mirror.

@markydoodoo: [spelling bee]

Teacher: your word is forwards

Me: hey wait everyone else only had to spell one

@markydoodoo: Guys if ur drinking tonight please remember this; u can always use a frozen hot dog if u run out of ice. Ok stay safe & keep it real.

@markydoodoo: *flushes the urinal for the guy next to me* pay it forward, bro.

@markydoodoo: [first person to see an ostrich]

Check out that chicken horse.

@markydoodoo: At my funeral I want a dozen white doves released. Then shot down. Then buried with me. It'll be confusing af. Can't wait.

@markydoodoo: Me, knowing girls dig bad boys: sorry I didn't text u back babe I was grounded.

@markydoodoo: The deep ocean is so mysterious. Sharks and octopuses could be down there having dance battles and we'd never know. We'd never know.

@markydoodoo: There's "disappointment" and then there's "Waiter walking past my table with food I thought was mine disappointment"