Funny Tweeter

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Page of markydoodoo's best tweets

@markydoodoo : The deep ocean is so mysterious. Sharks and octopuses could be down there having dance battles and we'd never know. We'd never know.

@markydoodoo: There's "disappointment" and then there's "Waiter walking past my table with food I thought was mine disappointment"

@markydoodoo: I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

@markydoodoo: [eraser factory]

BOSS: what makes u think ur right for the job?

ME: *hands him blank piece of paper* I think my resumé speaks for itself

@markydoodoo: [Shark Tank]

INVESTOR: So, it's a bra, with a built in queso holder?

ME: Yep

INVESTOR: And you call it the-

ME: The Bracho, yes

@markydoodoo: [at dog park]

ME: it's ok, she's friendly.

THEM: is, is that a crab?

ME: yep. She's a purebred. Her name is Clawdrey Hepburn. She's 2.

@markydoodoo: *swirling Gatorade in a wine glass*

Ah yes, the sportings, I have perused that endeavor. The throwing, the goalings, I love it all.

@markydoodoo: I bet my doctor wasn't expecting to say "Sir, that is not a toy" so many times today.

@markydoodoo: DAVID BLAINE: *cracks open egg, butterfly flies out*

ME: cmon man

DB: *cracks open 2nd egg, 9 of clubs pops out*

ME: I'm so hungry, David

@markydoodoo: if you encounter a bear in the woods, make your self as big as possible. Talk about how much money you make and how hot your girlfriend is.