Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of markydoodoo's best tweets

@markydoodoo : AVOCADO: Hello I'm good fat BACON: *lights cigarette* *punches avocado*

@markydoodoo: A dog walks into a bar. Then a bank. Then the dry cleaners. This is a dog world. Way to be productive, dog. Try to do the bar last next time

@markydoodoo: [Yelp review for Mario Bros Plumbing]

Ate my mushrooms, killed ALL my turtles, stole my coin collection. 1 star.

-Bowser K.

@markydoodoo: I like it when squirrels pop their dumb heads up in the middle of the street like "did I lock the tree?"

@markydoodoo: [holding a baby]

me: uh so how long have you been a baby?

@markydoodoo: Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.

@markydoodoo: Me, an intellectual: A spam and banana sandwich would be called a spamananawich.

@markydoodoo: I'm 34 years old and I still don't know what to do when the barber shows me the back of my head with that little mirror.

@markydoodoo: [spelling bee]

Teacher: your word is forwards

Me: hey wait everyone else only had to spell one