Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mattZillaaaa's best tweets

@mattZillaaaa : *pulls up to drive thru window Hi yes, do you guys deliver?

@mattZillaaaa: This is going to be my year.

WebMD: paranoid schizophrenia

@mattZillaaaa: Ran into someone that said “oh I haven’t seen you in a long time” and I was like I know I did that on purpose.

@mattZillaaaa: Some girl I don’t even know has been telling people that I'm her boyfriend. I'm flattered but I prefer to be the psychotic one in the relationship.

@mattZillaaaa: Someone at work said they saw me over the weekend and they said hi and I looked but just kept on walking and I was like yeah.

@mattZillaaaa: My friend is celebrating 1 week without smoking cigarettes so to celebrate, I’m getting us some cocaine.

@mattZillaaaa: Ran into an old friend who said that they thought I was dead. It was nice catching up.

@mattZillaaaa: Having someone cancel plans on you is like watching trash take itself out.

@mattZillaaaa: People say you're judged by the company you keep. Luckily, I don't keep any company.

@mattZillaaaa: Someone at work sent an email that said “happy Monday” so I’m going to HR.