Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mattZillaaaa's best tweets

@mattZillaaaa : My mom asked me to text her at 5pm to remind her to get her thyroid medication so I do have plans

@mattZillaaaa: Women have 9 months to prepare for birth. Paper cuts JUST HAPPEN

@mattZillaaaa: Old people like to get up at 4am so they can go sit in chairs and fall back asleep

@mattZillaaaa: You never know how strong you are until someone's story runs more than 5 mins

@mattZillaaaa: I hate long distance relationships so I'm moving the fridge to my bedroom.

@mattZillaaaa: Only take relationship advice from people who have really healthy relationships. So, no one

@mattZillaaaa: Tomorrow is my company's office holiday potluck. I really hope they like the french fries I found between my car seat

@mattZillaaaa: Poured Tresemmé on a spider in the shower & scooted him down the drain, he reemerged w/ voluminous hair & screamed at me in a French accent

@mattZillaaaa: I just want to be rich enough to stop giving people toilet paper for Christmas