Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mattZillaaaa's best tweets

@mattZillaaaa : Imagine having a party on purpose.

@mattZillaaaa: It’s easy to lie to people.
My phone was dead. I mailed it 2 weeks ago. Your baby is so cute.

@mattZillaaaa: I just want to be high enough on the corporate ladder so I can walk around the office and yell at ppl while I'm eating a salad

@mattZillaaaa: People come into your life for a reason. It's annoying

@mattZillaaaa: It's painful when you lose an ex. It's even more painful when they come back.

@mattZillaaaa: [during a plane crash]

Woman sitting next to me: OMG WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!


@mattZillaaaa: What a cute baby, what's her name?


She's gonna make a great grandmother

@mattZillaaaa: Real friends don't put their babies on the phone to talk to you

@mattZillaaaa: *wakes up from 2 year coma surrounded by friends & family

Where's my phone?

@mattZillaaaa: My mom asked me to text her at 5pm to remind her to get her thyroid medication so I do have plans