Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mattZillaaaa's best tweets

@mattZillaaaa : I saw a younger couple walking and holding hands today and it reminded me that I need to buy a bottle of vodka.

@mattZillaaaa: I just want to live in a world where stupid people don’t knock on a locked bathroom door shouting, “anyone in there?!”

@mattZillaaaa: A wise man once told me,

"Sir for just 50 cents more, you can add cheese to that"

@mattZillaaaa: My parents do this fun thing when they show up for dinner at 6 in the morning.

@mattZillaaaa: Everyone is posting pictures of their Christmas tree on Instagram and I'm like oh shit I forgot to delete Instagram.

@mattZillaaaa: It’s easy to lie to people.
My phone was dead. I mailed it 2 weeks ago. Your baby is so cute.

@mattZillaaaa: I just want to be high enough on the corporate ladder so I can walk around the office and yell at ppl while I'm eating a salad

@mattZillaaaa: People come into your life for a reason. It's annoying

@mattZillaaaa: It's painful when you lose an ex. It's even more painful when they come back.