Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of mdob11's best tweets

@mdob11 : Him: You're not like other girls Me: [foghorn sound]

@mdob11: 'Please, I need this', I whisper as I try to steal a baby goat from the petting zoo.

@mdob11: Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why
Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done

@mdob11: [being pushed into the middle of a dance circle] please, I have a family

@mdob11: Friend: [showing baby photos]
Me: Ah yes, very baby

@mdob11: Friend: [showing baby photos]
Me: Ah yes, very baby

@mdob11: Dating is easy. You just *goes into fetal position*

@mdob11: [waiting for elevator]
Coworker: Hey, how's it go-
Me: I'll take the stairs.

@mdob11: Me: Phone a friend
Judge: That's not how this works

@mdob11: [meeting the parents]
Do you have one in blonde?