Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mdob11's best tweets

@mdob11 : "Cheer up", I say, curing someone of depression.

@mdob11: Me: I'm shy
Tequila: Not anymore

@mdob11: Him: You're not like other girls
Me: [foghorn sound]

@mdob11: 'Please, I need this', I whisper as I try to steal a baby goat from the petting zoo.

@mdob11: Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why
Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done

@mdob11: [being pushed into the middle of a dance circle] please, I have a family

@mdob11: Friend: [showing baby photos]
Me: Ah yes, very baby

@mdob11: Friend: [showing baby photos]
Me: Ah yes, very baby

@mdob11: Dating is easy. You just *goes into fetal position*

@mdob11: [waiting for elevator]
Coworker: Hey, how's it go-
Me: I'll take the stairs.