Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mewritesgood's best tweets

@mewritesgood : You say "potato", I say "This isn't working. I think we are unhealthy together and you scare the shit out of me. Keep the cat. He hates me."

@mewritesgood: You may recognize me from such films as:

HR surveillance footage 11/13/12
HR surveillance footage 01/22/13
HR surveillance footage 02/28/13

@mewritesgood: Hey Google, if I'm searching for "herpes symptoms" then no, no I'm not "feeling lucky."

@mewritesgood: I set my kid's dollhouse on fire then asked:

DO YOU HAVE INSURANCE?!
DOES BARBIE HAVE AN ESCAPE PLAN?!
WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!

Life lessons

@mewritesgood: "SURPRISE!!!!" - Every girl with drawn-on eyebrows.

@mewritesgood: I bought my nephew a drum set because:

A) I'm an awesome uncle
B) Learning to play an instrument is important
C) I hate my sister