Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mexinonblonde's best tweets

@mexinonblonde : *jumps on stage and snatches up mic and screams* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR, LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! *gets escorted out of church*

@mexinonblonde: This is just the most tragical thing that has ever happened to me.

-Me eating tofu

@mexinonblonde: Him-You have the most beautiful lips. do you know what my.....
Ohhhhh, you mean the lips in my Avi!
Yes, I know.
Thank you.

@mexinonblonde: I aged about 2 years and counted 14,364 cat hairs on my cashiers blouse at Walmart waiting for her to ring up my groceries.

@mexinonblonde: *crawls towards him gets between his legs and asks*
What do you want?

Him-Whatever you want.

Me-*gets a bowl of ice cream and turns on tv*

@mexinonblonde: *handsome, young man walks up*

Me-Hold it Jr. Yes, I'm sexy. But young guys aren't my thing.

HYM-You've toilet paper on your heel.

@mexinonblonde: WOW!
You do a dazzling imitation of a blithering idiot!
You're being serious, about your love for your TC?
Oh dear, this is awkward.

@mexinonblonde: You're a big fat liar! And I don't believe anything you say!
See if I get naked for you again!!

-Me to my scale as I step off of it

@mexinonblonde: Fun Fact:
You can edit and crop a selfie so that we aren't able to see the cataclysmic disaster of dirty clothes in the background!

@mexinonblonde: *stands up and screams*

*gets thrown out of Easter service during sermon of the resurrection*