Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mexinonblonde's best tweets

@mexinonblonde : Him-You have the most beautiful lips. Me-Wait...how do you know what my..... Ohhhhh, you mean the lips in my Avi! Yes, I know. Thank you.

@mexinonblonde: I aged about 2 years and counted 14,364 cat hairs on my cashiers blouse at Walmart waiting for her to ring up my groceries.

@mexinonblonde: *crawls towards him gets between his legs and asks*
What do you want?

Him-Whatever you want.

Me-*gets a bowl of ice cream and turns on tv*

@mexinonblonde: *handsome, young man walks up*
HYM-Ms.

Me-Hold it Jr. Yes, I'm sexy. But young guys aren't my thing.

HYM-You've toilet paper on your heel.

@mexinonblonde: WOW!
You do a dazzling imitation of a blithering idiot!
Oh...
You're being serious, about your love for your TC?
Oh dear, this is awkward.

@mexinonblonde: You're a big fat liar! And I don't believe anything you say!
See if I get naked for you again!!

-Me to my scale as I step off of it

@mexinonblonde: Fun Fact:
You can edit and crop a selfie so that we aren't able to see the cataclysmic disaster of dirty clothes in the background!

@mexinonblonde: *stands up and screams*
"PICTURES OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!"

*gets thrown out of Easter service during sermon of the resurrection*

@mexinonblonde: I have recently learned that it is considered poor form to sit on Santa's lap and ask to be made a widow for Christmas...
The more you know.

@mexinonblonde: Don't ever leave a bag of mini Heath bars at your desk to prove you can't be tempted....

Because Satan's game is strong