Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mikefossey's best tweets

@mikefossey : one time my boss said "salad, as a food, sucks" and this other guy was like "as opposed to like, salad as a shirt?" and that guy lost his job a few weeks later

@mikefossey: Guy: I'll pay for my coffee and the guy behind me
Me: hi thanks can I get a large coffee with 85 espresso shots

@mikefossey: republican: taxes are bad
democrat: they're good
[i ride by on a skateboard eating go-gurt] its yogurt in a tube, dipshits. ever heard of it

@mikefossey: (I get an amber alert for a missing child) OK its my time to shine (I get in my car and back out without looking and instantly hit the kid)

@mikefossey: I'm a janitor at MIT and i see some extremely hard ass equation on the chalk board. i quickly erase it because im not being paid to do math

@mikefossey: BuzzFeed writer (innocently): hey friends. as a friendly activity, tell me your funny anecdotes. coincidentally I have an article due soon