@misfarber: [fraud trial]
Lawyer: is it true these numbers are all fake?
Defendant: no-- they all actually exist
Judge: lol owned *high-5s defendant*
@misfarber: I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I'm being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I'm talking about
@misfarber: Shouldn't the sea be called an isntland?
Sir, I don't know how you keep getting in here, but again, this is not what a think tank does
@misfarber: *rearranges underwear drawer*
Neighbor: the party's downstairs. Please get out of my room
@misfarber: Are there a lot of first-person singular objective pronouns, or is it just me?
@misfarber: Daddy, why is grandma so bitter?
I don't know, son; seems to run in the family. Your great uncle tasted awful
@misfarber: The baby's trying to eat the poinsettia again
Well, maybe we should get rid of it
The plant? But we just got it
. . .Haha yeah, the plant