Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mommywhitfield's best tweets

@mommywhitfield : I'm so cultured I'm practically yogurt.

@mommywhitfield: Me: I just want to be the center of someone's universe

*has kids*

Also me: Not like that

@mommywhitfield: Me, getting murdered: Those had better not be my fabric scissors, buddy.

@mommywhitfield: *Toddler walks up, kisses my knee, turns away*

"Aw! Aren't you sweet?"

*Toddler kisses refrigerator, cabinet door and dishwasher*

"Oh."

@mommywhitfield: "Honey, don't try to feed ice cream to the Christmas tree," is a thing I literally just said.