@mrjohntofu : Its like grandma said,
You're not crazy when you sleep
@mrjohntofu: Has this person in front of me ever used a drive thru?
@mrjohntofu: Who wants an omelet?
(3 minutes later)
Who wants scrambled?
@mrjohntofu: I like how liquor stores wrap booze bottles in complimentary barf bags.
@mrjohntofu: Why even name your cat, it's not going to listen to you.
@mrjohntofu: I'm not sure why banks tie down pens that don't work.
@mrjohntofu: Called AA by mistake, those drunks can't change a tire for shit.
@mrjohntofu: People find one band-aid and suddenly no one wants anymore of my homemade salsa.
@mrjohntofu: Apparently telling someone you'll catch their next wedding is unacceptable, whatevers.
@mrjohntofu: The escalator at the gym is broken, this is BULLSHIT.