@msdanifernandez: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already. WebMD: TYPHOID FEVER
@msdanifernandez: [during sex]
him: Im so sorry. This literally never happens
[takes out telescope to watch comet]
@msdanifernandez: *on death bed*
priest: any regrets my child?
*montage of every time i saw a large dog and didn't try to ride it*
@msdanifernandez: My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road.
@msdanifernandez: No mom, I can't date him. Well he took that which superhero are you quiz and well...*whispers* he got Daredevil.
@msdanifernandez: [dean tries handing me a diploma as I walk across the stage] I have a boyfriend