@mydmac: I like to cook for a man when I first start dating him.
That way he'll be disappointed from the start.
Not just when he sees me naked.
@mydmac: Therapist: Would you use alcohol, food and sex as a means of feeling happy?
Me: Yes, thanks.
@mydmac: Yes I will purchase the anti-ageing cream that costs 100's of dollars because the results on those 20 year old models is just miraculous.
@mydmac: Can I get a piña colada please.
'This is Starbucks'
Sorry, can I have venti piña colada.
@mydmac: I joined Twitter to have something to do while I waited for the repairman. It's only been 3 years, he should be here any month now.