@mydmac: When I get naked in front of a man for the first time I never do it slowly and seductively, that would just give him time to get away.
@mydmac: *uneasily answers phone
'No, I made you very happy the other night'
@mydmac: Trainer: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Me: A BIKINI BODY
T: WHEN DO YOU WANT IT?
Just after I finish this beer.
@mydmac: No one will question your alcoholism if you always propose a toast before drinking.
@mydmac: *Gets off couch. Goes to Jedi school. Studies for months.
*Returns to couch.
*Uses the force to get last beer from the fridge.
@mydmac: I donate blood once a month. It's not mine but I know I'm making a real difference.
@mydmac: I can't wait for Halloween so that I can walk around with a bloody carving knife without being questioned.