Teacher: aw what's this little guy's name?
Me: laser panther
@notacroc: Nurse: we need to draw some blood
Me with a fine arts degree: *hastily reaches into backpack* i saved my good marker for this
@notacroc: DOCTOR: what were you thinking? He had a sword.
ME: *bleeding everywhere, clutching my favorite pen* that's not how it's supposed to work
@notacroc: [1st date, opening scene of star wars]
ME: *leans over* those are the stars
ME: but you have to wait for the wars
@notacroc: Me: *holds up my phone showing my tweet has a total of 6 favorites*
Bouncer: you still can't go in
@notacroc: Me: my grandfather was George Washington
Date: don't you mean your great great great great great great grandfather
Me: i mean he was okay
@notacroc: [alternate universe where jesus christ's name was jeffy spaghetti]
ME: *hears some horrible news* jeffy spaghetti
@notacroc: [getting my license]
Me: *points at gas gauge* the car just ate so we have to wait 30 minutes
Instructor: *unclicks seatbelt*
@notacroc: Date: wanna get out of here?
Me: let me just tie my shoe *realizes i don't know how to tie my shoes* how bout another round of spaghetti