@notacroc: [getting my license]
Me: *points at gas gauge* the car just ate so we have to wait 30 minutes
Instructor: *unclicks seatbelt*
@notacroc: Date: wanna get out of here?
Me: let me just tie my shoe *realizes i don't know how to tie my shoes* how bout another round of spaghetti
ME: *reading menu* how's the chicken parm?
OUR WAITER, TONY THE TIGER: it's grr-
MANAGER: *glares at Tony*
TONY: it's exquisite
@notacroc: RIDDLER: how'd you find my hideout?
BATMAN: a little birdie told me *winks*
SMALL BIRD MAN: *lands on his shoulder* please use my full name
HER: the last guy i went out with was as boring as a sack of potatoes
ME: [gets up from table] my son is a potato
@notacroc: [spelling bee]
JUDGE: your word is taco
ME: four please
JUDGE: we're not-
ME: with chips
ME: *lips on mic* extra guac
@notacroc: *Japanese Zen garden tour*
Guide: It's important to be quiet & not disturb the-
*Me from back eating huge bag of chips*: DUDE WE CANT HEAR U
@notacroc: BOSS: it's national replace H's with F's day
BOSS: yep, you're hired!
BOSS: get out
ME: what the huck?
@notacroc: [at a bar]
CUTE GIRL: *grabs my arm* hey there
ME: *mouth full of food* did you know a lobster on a kabob is called a kablobster