@notalogin: Pretty much everyone I've ever met has told me to stop exaggerating

@notalogin: Morpheus: take the blue pill, the story ends. Take the red pill, I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes
Dog: (staring at gray pills) Crap

@notalogin: I think I speak for all of us when I say I'm being presumptuous.

@notalogin: What kind of doctor are you?
-Apathologist
A... pathologist?
-No, apathologist. People come to me when they need medical don't care.

@notalogin: The average person swallows 8 spiders in their sleep but it's actually one guy who's chowing down like 7500 a night to make the numbers work

@notalogin: The order the Star Wars movies are being released is based on the order in which Yoda would count from one to nine.

@notalogin: First they came for the people who say "Awesome sauce," and I said nothing, because, frankly, those people deserve it.

@notalogin: [Interview]
CEO: Why do you think you'd be a good fit at our firm?
GUY WHOSE DESCRIPTION IS SO LONG HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY GET TO SAY ANYTHING:

@notalogin: A scientist who studies Adam's apples is called a guyneckologist.