Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ohpeetie's best tweets

@ohpeetie : No thanks, diet. I don't trust words that are 75% die.

@ohpeetie: Boyfriend planted watermelon seedlings in our garden. I just bought a watermelon to put beside his plant before he wakes up tomorrow.

@ohpeetie: Teaching my 9yo to sew. She's going to make a great wife to someone in 1836.

@ohpeetie: Today on Facebook:

1) Jen feels betrayed but doesn't want to talk about it
2) Kim started a prayer circle
3) Lori posted 87 recipes

@ohpeetie: You think you understand people and then you see a car with eyelashes on the headlights.

@ohpeetie: It's 27 outside. Oh great, even the weather is younger and cooler than me now.

@ohpeetie: A bug zapper, but for people trying to come into my office.

@ohpeetie: [ Boyfriend walks into the room ]

Well, well, well....if it isn't the boy who tried to break up with me in a dream last night.

@ohpeetie: [ during job interview ]

- "Why do you think you would make a good asset to our team?"

- "I give up, why?"

@ohpeetie: - "Did you know you can make a pizza crust out of cauliflower?"

- "I'm going to reactivate my Facebook so I can unfriend you there too"