@ojedge: Mobster: [tying a cinder block to my ankles] "You're gonna be sleeping with the fishes…"
Me: "Umm, it's 'fish'."
M: "This. This is why."
@ojedge: [red carpet] "So Ryan, who are u with tonight?"
Ryan Gosling [proudly] "My parents"
[two geese in black tie nervously shuffle to his side]
Man in a coat: [holding gold bar] "How much is this worth?"
"It's 25 carats…"
[8 rabbits rustle excitedly beneath trench-coat]
@ojedge: Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse? Better... or worse?