Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of online_rat's best tweets

@online_rat : my landlord charged a pet fee for the ants in my kitchen. i need $48,000,000 by friday or im evicted. how did he count them they are so fast

@online_rat: one time a girl told me she listens to "anything but country" so i played pterodactyl noises on on full volume the whole way to Ruby Tuesday

@online_rat: sorrey im bad with names. im also bad with faces,, i put my grandma in a headlock, thinking she was the kid that stole my bike in 3rd grade

@online_rat: my son wont get past his bridge troll phase. its a phase all children have, where they live under a bridge and rob people with a gun