Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of outsmartedmommy's best tweets

@outsmartedmommy : 7yo: Did you drink coffee before we were born? Me: Yes 7yo: Did you eat pancakes? Me: Yes 7yo: What didn't you do? Me: Talk while peeing.

@outsmartedmommy: What's for dinner?
-A question asked by children who have no intention of eating the answer.

@outsmartedmommy: Marriage after kids is basically two zookeepers arguing about who has to clean up the monkey poop on a daily basis.

@outsmartedmommy: The doctor told me I need to rest so I dropped the kids off at his office & now he won't stop calling me as if that's going to help me rest.

@outsmartedmommy: I never knew how long it took a human to fall asleep until I had kids. In case you're wondering it's 2 hours, 3 cups of water, & 18 books.

@outsmartedmommy: The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It's only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now.

@outsmartedmommy: The best way to prepare for Motherhood is to put Dora on TV for 9 months, set your alarm for every 45 minutes and throw food on your floors.