Funny Tweeter

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Page of perfect_messs's best tweets

@perfect_messs : Sign at gym says "Judgement Free Zone." Lets see if they really mean it, I think as I pull a corn dog from my bra while doing the leg press.

@perfect_messs: [Miss America]
I gracefully take off my sports bra as my talent. Everyone is in awe. I win the crown for doing what no woman has done before

@perfect_messs: [during sex]
Him, referring to my Spanx: Don't you want to take those off first?
Me: It took me 3 hrs to get these on. This is my skin now.

@perfect_messs: Me: I've totally got this.

Narrator: Oh this ought to be good.