@pinupteacher: Looking out the window, some kid on the plane asked why everything was getting smaller. Haha, what a dummy. WE'RE getting bigger. Kids, lol.
@pinupteacher: [speed dating]
Anyway, do you have a baby hedgehog?
*I take a deep breath and roll my eyes*
@pinupteacher: [blind date]
"Oh wow, I see you brought your Legos."
*huge sigh* LEGO. It's called Lego.
@pinupteacher: Time out. Otters not only sleep holding hands, but have a SPECIAL POCKET to hold their favorite rock? Humans are bullshit.
@pinupteacher: [Chaperoning field trip]
ME BEFORE WE GO: Only rule is don't lose any kids.
AFTER I LOSE A KID: New rule. You're allowed to lose one kid.
@pinupteacher: The "Ooooo" the audience makes during a sitcom kiss but for me when I finally take a shower.
@pinupteacher: I'm at my most pacman when I try and get to the snack table at a party without interacting with a single person.
@pinupteacher: *date leans in* Tell me something I don't know about you.
*I lean in* I have a french fry in my pocket.
@pinupteacher: ME: What tattoo should I get?
TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection.
ME: One ravioli on my thigh please.