Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of pixelatedboat's best tweets

@pixelatedboat : *reading news story about how great some guy is* wow this guy sounds great *reading further* oh no, he’s a bomber and he’s dead

@pixelatedboat: Annual reminder that Valentine’s Day was a scam invented by Goodyear to sell all the heart-shaped tires their factory made by mistake

@pixelatedboat: Me: It’s a hat store, but on the blonkchain
*Investor hands me $30 million*
Investor: Wait ... did you say “blonkchain”?
Me: *runs*

@pixelatedboat: “Don’t boil lobsters, because they can feel pain” say scientists from National Institute For Boiling Every Animal Alive To Work Out If They Like It Or Not

@pixelatedboat: Ha ha, I love it when brands do sassy clapbacks to each other

@pixelatedboat: You can't trust the mainstream media, that's why I get all my news from the giant in my dreams

@pixelatedboat: Wow, what a moving acceptance speech from John Lithgow:

@pixelatedboat: *Bashar al-Assad pulls the fake handshake/hair slick move on Trump*
Dems: Yesssssss! Assad is bae now!