@pixelatedboat: *Bashar al-Assad pulls the fake handshake/hair slick move on Trump*
Dems: Yesssssss! Assad is bae now!
@pixelatedboat: Kids, if you want to succeed in journalism the way to do it is to suck at your job in a way that's useful to rich people
@pixelatedboat: This Easter, please take a moment to remember Jesus and his inspiring message for mankind:
@pixelatedboat: You (dumb, hasn't seen Fight Club): If I buy things I'll be happy
Me (smart, has seen Fight Club): I'm going to punch someone in a basement
@pixelatedboat: Clinton fan: Emails? That's all you've got?
Me: She sold the Saudis the jets that are massacring Yemenis
Clinton fan: Emails? That's all you