Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of pixelatedboat's best tweets

@pixelatedboat : Leftist: Abolish prison Me (realising that would make a Con Air sequel impossible): Hold on a minute

@pixelatedboat: I’ve been filming the couple next to me on this flight for the last 45 minutes hoping they’ll do something that could go viral. No good content so far (the woman looks very uncomfortable and the man keeps threatening to have me arrested)

@pixelatedboat: *reading news story about how great some guy is* wow this guy sounds great *reading further* oh no, he’s a bomber and he’s dead

@pixelatedboat: Annual reminder that Valentine’s Day was a scam invented by Goodyear to sell all the heart-shaped tires their factory made by mistake

@pixelatedboat: Me: It’s a hat store, but on the blonkchain
*Investor hands me $30 million*
Investor: Wait ... did you say “blonkchain”?
Me: *runs*

@pixelatedboat: “Don’t boil lobsters, because they can feel pain” say scientists from National Institute For Boiling Every Animal Alive To Work Out If They Like It Or Not

@pixelatedboat: Ha ha, I love it when brands do sassy clapbacks to each other

@pixelatedboat: You can't trust the mainstream media, that's why I get all my news from the giant in my dreams