@pixelatedboat: Annual reminder that Valentine’s Day was a scam invented by Goodyear to sell all the heart-shaped tires their factory made by mistake
@pixelatedboat: Me: It’s a hat store, but on the blonkchain
*Investor hands me $30 million*
Investor: Wait ... did you say “blonkchain”?
@pixelatedboat: “Don’t boil lobsters, because they can feel pain” say scientists from National Institute For Boiling Every Animal Alive To Work Out If They Like It Or Not
@pixelatedboat: You can't trust the mainstream media, that's why I get all my news from the giant in my dreams
@pixelatedboat: *Bashar al-Assad pulls the fake handshake/hair slick move on Trump*
Dems: Yesssssss! Assad is bae now!