Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of primawesome's best tweets

@primawesome : *Superman saves the city by throwing a nuke into the ocean* Crowd: Yay!!! Aquman: Dude...

@primawesome: Showering at a woman's house is like being at an open bar for conditioners.

@primawesome: I like arugula because it's good for me, delicious, and an old fashioned car horn sound.

@primawesome: I'm in pretty good shape for a grown man who believes the multivitamin I take every morning cancels out all the gas station food I eat.

@primawesome: Every time I have a salad for lunch my stomach feels the same way a dog does when someone fake throws a tennis ball.

@primawesome: This transition of power reminds me of when my grandma turned over Thanksgiving duties to my mom and the night ended with police showing up.

@primawesome: A lady just walked into Taco Bell, dumped every hot sauce packet in her bag and left. I should follow her. What's the rest of her day like?

@primawesome: Dating is just deciding if you like a person more than being lonely, then choosing wrong.

@primawesome: Attack today with a positive attitude. Absolutely destroy it with good vibes. Murder its family with hope.

@primawesome: Hollywood hasn't remade Spiderman in a couple weeks. I hope they're okay.