Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of prufrockluvsong's best tweets

@prufrockluvsong : me: *wistful* what if you could go back in time and relive a delightful meal with a loved one? him: is it leftovers again? me: it's leftovers again.

@prufrockluvsong: Dylan Thomas: Do not go gentle into that good night... Rage, rage against the dying of the light...

*cut to me already Hulk-smashing a lamp

@prufrockluvsong: learn to swear in every language by watching the world cup at your local bar

@prufrockluvsong: I want to open a restaurant for divorcees but I can't think of what to name it other than fed ex

@prufrockluvsong: date: I won't be able to see you for a while. I need to focus on watching the World Cup.

me: *flops to the ground clutching my shin*

@prufrockluvsong: Indiana Jones: why does it have to be snakes

Ron Weasley: why does it have to be spiders

me: why does it have to be family get-togethers

@prufrockluvsong: All my mom's plants die from being overwatered and that's all you need to know about my childhood and why I'm like this.

@prufrockluvsong: [deserted island]

friend: this coconut bra is really uncomfortable

me: stop complaining *adjusts puffer fish bra*

@prufrockluvsong: Everything at the mini mart is normal-sized and I feel so betrayed.

@prufrockluvsong: Player 1: There goes his funny bone.

Player 2: *buzz* Don't touch the sides!

Surgeon: What are you two doing in here?!