Funny Tweeter

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Page of rachelle_mandik's best tweets

@rachelle_mandik : me: how many trees do you see in this picture? my toddler: all of them.

@rachelle_mandik: artificial flowers are properly known as "flower decoys"; learn some flower calls, then use the decoys to attract and kill real flowers

@rachelle_mandik: [bank heist]
leader: ok everyone put on your balaclavas
me: *looks down at box of freshly baked baklava* i think i’ve made a mistake

@rachelle_mandik: my toddler lifts up a piece of her salad and declares, "it's a leaf, mommy." and then: "let's put it back outside."

@rachelle_mandik: i forgot the term for sell-by date and called it a spoiler alert

@rachelle_mandik: i'm teaching my toddler that cauliflower is "frightened broccoli" and there is nothing you can do about it

@rachelle_mandik: emcee: welcome, contestants, to the world bodybuilding championships!
victor frankenstein: *looking around* i think i've made a horrible mistake.

@rachelle_mandik: the small child points to my head and chants, i want a balloon, i want a balloon, but changes her tune when i let my head float free

@rachelle_mandik: i ask my toddler what's in the box she's holding. "chaos!" she replies. "chaos! chaos!" i know she's trying to say "crayons," but it's not like she's wrong.