@rachelle_mandik: artificial flowers are properly known as "flower decoys"; learn some flower calls, then use the decoys to attract and kill real flowers
@rachelle_mandik: [bank heist]
leader: ok everyone put on your balaclavas
me: *looks down at box of freshly baked baklava* i think i’ve made a mistake
@rachelle_mandik: my toddler lifts up a piece of her salad and declares, "it's a leaf, mommy." and then: "let's put it back outside."
@rachelle_mandik: i'm teaching my toddler that cauliflower is "frightened broccoli" and there is nothing you can do about it
@rachelle_mandik: emcee: welcome, contestants, to the world bodybuilding championships!
victor frankenstein: *looking around* i think i've made a horrible mistake.
@rachelle_mandik: the small child points to my head and chants, i want a balloon, i want a balloon, but changes her tune when i let my head float free
@rachelle_mandik: i ask my toddler what's in the box she's holding. "chaos!" she replies. "chaos! chaos!" i know she's trying to say "crayons," but it's not like she's wrong.