Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of rad_milk's best tweets

@rad_milk : yo LA chill out with your restaurant names

@rad_milk: [goes up to a pair of identical twins]
so how did yall meet

@rad_milk: ME: i've never been to europe
SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN TO EUROPE: you should totally go
ME: now that i think of it, it's only been my lack of desire, alone, that has ever inhibited me to go so ok why not

@rad_milk: GIRL: what's your sign
ME: [silently pointing up to the glowing Arbys logo in the distance]

@rad_milk: awkardly looking around the applebees bar & grill for my tidner date whose profile picture is waluigi

@rad_milk: GENIE: you have one wish. choose wisely
ME: i wish i was only 14 inches tall so that when i hold a knife it looks like i'm wielding a huge ass sword
GENIE: your wish is granted. why didn't you just wish for a sword though
ME: oh yeah damn

@rad_milk: WOMAN NAMED CATHY: my name is cathy
ME: ah yes short for catheter i presume

@rad_milk: i will not order eggs in a restaurant unless the chef personally lays them

@rad_milk: remember the olden days when ambulances didnt have sirens and the doctors inside it had to make the sounds with their mouth's

@rad_milk: EVERYONE ELSE: i am terrified of the state of democracy in our nation
ME: digimon is short for digital monsters