Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of rad_milk's best tweets

@rad_milk : GENIE: you have one wish. choose wisely ME: i wish i was only 14 inches tall so that when i hold a knife it looks like i'm wielding a huge ass sword GENIE: your wish is granted. why didn't you just wish for a sword though ME: oh yeah damn

@rad_milk: WOMAN NAMED CATHY: my name is cathy
ME: ah yes short for catheter i presume

@rad_milk: i will not order eggs in a restaurant unless the chef personally lays them

@rad_milk: remember the olden days when ambulances didnt have sirens and the doctors inside it had to make the sounds with their mouth's

@rad_milk: EVERYONE ELSE: i am terrified of the state of democracy in our nation
ME: digimon is short for digital monsters

@rad_milk: the famous shower scene in Psycho is crazy. she turns on the water & just let's it hit her in the face before testing it with her hand first

@rad_milk: the flight attendant came down the aisle holding out a bag of trash to me and i was like "sure what the hell" and grabbed a couple pieces

@rad_milk: [notices a girl is cold] here take my pants

@rad_milk: when i was born i was no bigger than a hotdog, and no better. now i am the size of many hotdogs, and just as good

@rad_milk: i replaced babies in these pictures with hotdogs to show america what really matters