Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of rad_milk's best tweets

@rad_milk : yall can name 10 kardashians but you can’t name 10 jesuses

@rad_milk: break the monotony of your uber driver’s day by saying “sorry about your car” as you get out

@rad_milk: DATE: so tell me something about yourself
ME: i am older than every dog

@rad_milk: yo LA chill out with your restaurant names

@rad_milk: [goes up to a pair of identical twins]
so how did yall meet

@rad_milk: ME: i've never been to europe
SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN TO EUROPE: you should totally go
ME: now that i think of it, it's only been my lack of desire, alone, that has ever inhibited me to go so ok why not

@rad_milk: GIRL: what's your sign
ME: [silently pointing up to the glowing Arbys logo in the distance]

@rad_milk: awkardly looking around the applebees bar & grill for my tidner date whose profile picture is waluigi

@rad_milk: GENIE: you have one wish. choose wisely
ME: i wish i was only 14 inches tall so that when i hold a knife it looks like i'm wielding a huge ass sword
GENIE: your wish is granted. why didn't you just wish for a sword though
ME: oh yeah damn

@rad_milk: WOMAN NAMED CATHY: my name is cathy
ME: ah yes short for catheter i presume