Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of randomlawless's best tweets

@randomlawless : Men don't ignore us; they have selective hearing. Give them instructions for roasted turkey & they'll remember "breast, thighs, moist & hot"

@randomlawless: I am NOT just 'a piece of meat' you know. I'm a ribeye steak... a bit fatty, but still quite tasty.

Ok, I lied. I'm pork butt.

@randomlawless: When you get to my age, your milkshake still brings boys to the yard, but they're like "I'm lactose intolerant."

@randomlawless: My coworker replaced her chair with an exercise ball to "work her core."

I'm eating a giant chocolate chip cookie for breakfast.

I win.