@rcromwell4: My wife had me take out more life insurance and now there's no grip left on the bath mat. Weird.
@rcromwell4: I told my five-year-old she's due for a performance review and she ignored me. That's definitely going in the review.
@rcromwell4: Apparently I was involved in a class action lawsuit against AT&T. Anyway, I just got a check for $1.33 if anyone wants to party.
@rcromwell4: Youngest cried because Tooth Fairy was in the house while we were sleeping and I can't argue with her logic regarding intruders.
@rcromwell4: Follow me on Pinterest for seasonal craft ideas and spells for summoning ancient demons.
@rcromwell4: Live, laugh, love, dress up like a clown and wander around the woods at night
@rcromwell4: What percentage of the zombies are just chasing you down to tell you they're vegan?
@rcromwell4: "Then, the handsome prince sees her dead body laying there and has to kiss her."
"Trust me, the kids will love it."