Funny Tweeter

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Page of realHamOnWry's best tweets

@realHamOnWry : Mom: If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too? Me: Of course...we have free healthcare. #Canada150th

@realHamOnWry: Cat: What are you doing?

Me: Reloading my bong

Cat: You really need it?

Me: I know my limits, why?

Cat: You know cats can't talk, right?

@realHamOnWry: In honeycombs, why are the babies called larvae and not wannabees?

@realHamOnWry: Tattoos are like babies. You don't dare tell the truth and say they're ugly.

@realHamOnWry: The human brain starts working the moment you're born and never stops until your wife asks where you were last night.

@realHamOnWry: If you're lost in the forest start talking about politics. Someone is sure to show up to argue with you.

@realHamOnWry: The local sperm bank now has a quick serve location with a drive-thru window. It's called Jack-It-In-The-Box.

@realHamOnWry: My parents both wear hearing-aids. And I think that's why they're still married...they never turn them on.

@realHamOnWry: There's a difference between when a woman is furious and when she's irate. It's the difference between sleeping on the couch or in a casket.

@realHamOnWry: After I die I want the words, 'Wow, this place is twice as big as my old apartment' engraved on my urn.