Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of rebrafsim's best tweets

@rebrafsim : 6:57pm: I am conducting an experiment ā€” Iā€™m going to pet my dog continuously and see if he ever gets tired of it 4:09am, June 14, 2029: no

@rebrafsim: Dracula: I vant to suck your blood

Me: well technically, no -- you don't suck what you're drinking. You want to suck my NECK

Dracula: vhoa

@rebrafsim: Me: I'm the world's most gullible person

Friend: really?

Me: well apparently not

@rebrafsim: Me: So I'll see you Friday?

Friend: I can't wait!

Me: FINE THEN FORGET IT

@rebrafsim: Me: [trying to keep a stiff upper lip]

Mortician: we're gonna need that back

@rebrafsim: HER: but you can't leave me - I'm carrying your baby!

HIM:

HER:

HIM: actually, that's how babysitting works. I'll be home in 2 or 3 hours

@rebrafsim: Sensei: you have learned much, my child

Nonsensei: flamingos are extremely inconsiderate

@rebrafsim: You're not allowed to make up words. It's illexical

@rebrafsim: *waving arms wildly* holy shit whose arms are these?!

@rebrafsim: [Inventor of cage-free eggs] Why are these eggs in these cages