Funny Tweeter

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Page of robdelaney's best tweets

@robdelaney : My mom always used to give me a card on Valentine’s Day when I was a kid. She stopped doing it when we broke up.

@robdelaney: I'm so sweaty at all times I think it would be biologically accurate to call me amphibious.

@robdelaney: For all the bad things that happened this year I sure did get fat.

@robdelaney: moisten thyself and wait for me in the westernmost grunting shed

@robdelaney: ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!”
COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”

@robdelaney: The burrito I ate for lunch today just sent me a push notification.

@robdelaney: Tim Cook announces iPhone charger cord to be long enough to reach a socket, Apple stock price quadruples.

@robdelaney: Trump University is getting a bad rap. My nephew went there and he can poop in a toilet AND say the N-word.

@robdelaney: Brad Pitt might be "better looking" than me, but I am considerably fatter.