Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of robdelaney's best tweets

@robdelaney : my wife came home from church and caught me and Gary trying her jeans on again .

@robdelaney: Should my wife be taking this long to finish the corn maze she entered on Halloween?

@robdelaney: My mom always used to give me a card on Valentine’s Day when I was a kid. She stopped doing it when we broke up.

@robdelaney: I'm so sweaty at all times I think it would be biologically accurate to call me amphibious.

@robdelaney: For all the bad things that happened this year I sure did get fat.

@robdelaney: moisten thyself and wait for me in the westernmost grunting shed

@robdelaney: ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!”
COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”

@robdelaney: The burrito I ate for lunch today just sent me a push notification.

@robdelaney: Tim Cook announces iPhone charger cord to be long enough to reach a socket, Apple stock price quadruples.