@robdelaney: Should my wife be taking this long to finish the corn maze she entered on Halloween?
@robdelaney: My mom always used to give me a card on Valentine’s Day when I was a kid. She stopped doing it when we broke up.
@robdelaney: I'm so sweaty at all times I think it would be biologically accurate to call me amphibious.
@robdelaney: ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!”
COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”
@robdelaney: Tim Cook announces iPhone charger cord to be long enough to reach a socket, Apple stock price quadruples.