Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of rudy_mustang's best tweets

@rudy_mustang : Every horse movie ever: people don’t think this horse can go fast but it do. it go real fast

@rudy_mustang: Publisher: did you finally finish your book about what clocks measure

Me: yes it’s done

Publisher: it's about time

Me: i know, i wrote it

@rudy_mustang: God: then you become a butterfly

Caterpillar: wow. the rest of my life as a butterfly

God: yeah lol the "rest"

Caterpillar: how long

God:

Caterpillar: how long God

@rudy_mustang: Cop: what the hell are you doing

Me: just holding this old lady’s hand while i cross the street sir

Cop: wh- where’s the rest of her

@rudy_mustang: [applying for a job at the FBI]

FBI: and there will be a video interview

Me: do i just walk up to any computer with a webcam lol

FBI:

Me:

FBI: you could do that, yes

@rudy_mustang: God: then u become a butterfly

Caterpillar: wow the rest of my life as a butterfly

God: yah lol the "rest"

C: how long

G

C:how long God

@rudy_mustang: Genie: you have three wishes

Me: ok i wish "three" meant 1000

Genie: it's done. you have two wishes left

Me: wait i wish "two" meant 1000

@rudy_mustang: how would water even break? it's a liquid. im not sure i want to have a baby with a liar sharon

@rudy_mustang: STEM major: what are you learning in school

Kindergartener: shapes and colors

STEM major: lmao good luck getting a job with that