Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of runawaycupcake's best tweets

@runawaycupcake : The problem with the exclamation point & question mark being side by side on a keyboard: I'm so sorry your grandma died? I love you?

@runawaycupcake: Son: Can you teach me about fractions? Me: Sure. I love 2/3 of my children.

@runawaycupcake: "We're not buying another toy until Mommy gets laid!" might not be the most appropriate thing to yell in ToysRUs.

@runawaycupcake: Ate too much salad today so I'm going on an Oreos cleanse tomorrow.

@runawaycupcake: If I had known what cleaning a toilet is like with a husband and two sons I would've become a lesbian.

@runawaycupcake: Apparently just sitting here on my new lawn furniture drinking my Vodka & minding my business is disturbing to other Target guests.

@runawaycupcake: Pretty sure Dora goes on crazy adventures with a monkey because her mom is on Twitter.

@runawaycupcake: Turns out if you speak with an English accent during an interview it's expected that you'll continue to speak w/accent after you're hired