@sad_tree: *a dog sits down at a roulette table and pushes his life savings in chips to the center*
Put it all on Grey
@sad_tree: [getting my picture taking with the sports team mascot]
"I know you're not really an armadillo"
@sad_tree: oh so you rich guys throw the water out after you boil hotdogs. too good for hotdog soup. too good to dab the soup on your wrists like colog
@sad_tree: [job interview]
"So why do you want to be a jeweler?"
ME(thinking about using that eye thing to appraise chicken nuggets): I love rubies
@sad_tree: When people say "You can fit a million earths in the sun!!!"
Hey. Maybe we shouldnt put any earths in the sun. The sun is hot.
@sad_tree: [After Big Jewel Heist]
"We did it! We got away! Everything went to plan"
ME(holding my grappling hook I didn't get to use): Yea it was ok
@sad_tree: *returns tent to Target*
CASHIER: What was the problem?
ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent
@sad_tree: *paramedic holds me as a I lay dying*
ME: Tell my family.. all I ever wanted..was a robot butler
PM: With a top hat?
ME: Of course you idiot