Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of sageboggs's best tweets

@sageboggs : "What should we call this thing in the ocean that is land?" How about island? "Seems too obvious" What if we pronounced it weird "Perfect"

@sageboggs: ME: why am I always anxious? maybe watching TV will help-
NEWS: IF THE HURRICANE DOESN'T KILL YOU, CLOWNS WILL

@sageboggs: GARY JOHNSON: let me debate, i wanna debate, lemme lemme
MODERATOR: FINE! how will you deal with big banks
JOHNSON: like...river banks, or

@sageboggs: My friends & I were taking shots every time Trump interrupted Clinton. My BFF Chad is dead :(

@sageboggs: "OH MY SWEET GOD BE CAREFUL. OH- OH MY DEAr LORD GOD. HOW? HOW??" -me watching gymnastics

@sageboggs: Listen up, guys

Neil Diamond is the name of a famous American singer-songwriter but it's also a checklist for anyone about to propose

@sageboggs: Worst flight I've ever been on. Waited for hours, plane never left the ground.. I'm never flying Airbnb again

@sageboggs: Hey girl, did it hurt? Did it hurt when you had to use your fingernails to rip through the dense layers of sediment on your way up from Hell

@sageboggs: I'm glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's really come in handy this parallelogram season